How to Help your Child Manage Anger

Struggling with Anger

Does your child struggle with anger or rage? Do they seem to spiral into uncontrollable fits of anger with now way to get through it? Anger can be uncomfortable to cope with - especially for kids and teens and chances are that they have had their share of 'tantrums' without knowing how to respond. It is important to help kids understand that it is normal to get angry at times. It's how they respond to these feelings that matters. Here are some ways to help your pre-teen or teen understand and cope with anger.

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Acknowledge Your Child's Development

Puberty is a big milestone in your child's development that usually starts around 10 to 12 years old. With puberty can come angry outbursts. It may not necessarily be caused by hormones directly with puberty but with the changes in the brain that are triggered when these hormones are released. The part of the brain that deals with emotions goes through rapid development while the part of the brain that deals with impulse control, judgment, and control doesn't develop as fast. This can leave kids in a state where emotions are high but control and ability to deal with the heightened emotions is not there yet.

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Support Your Child

Notice and Reach Out

If you notice that your child has been more irritable or angry than usual, don't dismiss it. Inform them that something is wrong and invite them to speak with you when they are ready. If they appear hesitant, take a step back and wait. There is no reason to press the issue, and respecting boundaries is an excellent way to build trust. Simply let your child know you are available when they are ready to speak.

Validate Their Feelings

Taking a moment to acknowledge their emotional experience can help defuse the situation. Just recognizing their feelings as valid, even if they don't understand why they are angry, helps.

Help Them Name Their Anger

When their "anger thermometer" is rising, ask them to describe how they feel when they are angry. Your child can learn to recognize the physical manifestations of anger, such as clenching of the teeth, tension in the body, flushing, and stomach clenching. Without realizing it, we sometimes hold our breath when we're angry. Early recognition of these warning signals by your child will help prevent anger from developing into rage. Sometimes, prevention is more effective than treatment.

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