Building Trust with Your Child

You Have to Work at it

Trust is something that takes time to build. It is not something you can quantify with simple numbers. You build trust with opportunities, if you have little trust now then it just means there are more opportunities to gain it. Here are some ways in which you can build trust:

Providing Space

Children and teens need space to share things openly. A weekly check in might be helpful to give a space where trust can be built. At the dinner table or while doing a weekly activity is a great place to open a dialog for sharing.

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Intentional Listening

If your child does not feel heard, they may shut down. If this happens then the opportunity to build trust disappears. As a caregiver you have to postpone your own agenda and be willing to dial into your child's world. You need to try to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with them. Be tuned into their needs and really listen. By being an intentional listener, your child knows that you are invested in their lives and are there to support them.

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Emotional Regulation

Even when your child shares things that disappoint you, try to regulate your emotional response. This goes along with being and intentional listener. It may be necessary to step away and give yourself time to process if you need to have a more productive dialog. Creating a space where children do not feel punished for expressing themselves is paramount to building trust.

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Giving Opportunities

You have to give your child a certain amount of autonomy to make their own decisions. This allows children and teens especially to grow, develop and use knowledge that they have. Even when your child makes decisions that are different then the ones you would have made, giving them the space to learn from their decisions is a key to building trust.

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Set an Example

Children learn from examples. You need to be a model of what it means to be trustworthy and to trust if you want them to do the same. If your child tells you something in confidence then it is imperitive that you respect their privacy. Keep your kids personal information private so that they can trust you with more of their inside thoughts and feelings. By being a good model you can help your child learn what a healthy, trusting relationship looks like.

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